Snarky

My, oh my. America has fallen in love with the the peculiar, snarky, and impossible. Brooke Busey-Hunt recognized this characteristic in America and decided to blow it out it's ass with Juno.

A few reasons why people enjoy this movie so much:

1. It's not peculiar, snarky, or impossible. It's the future.

2. Man, what a soundtrack. Every song is on the tip of Zach Braff's dick.

3. The main character is a girl.

4. She isn't popular. Or maybe she is. Everybody knows her. Does anyone not like her? I know America likes her. What is happening?

5. Michael Cera is her boyfriend. Tell me you're not thinking about the actually funny and heartwarming stuff he did before Juno as you watch Juno and even after Juno but isn't Juno.

6. There is no conflict. Juno, despite being 16, has no trouble being PREGNANT except for barfing slushie into an urn. How hard was it for Jennifer Garner to get over her husband being bored with her existence and leaving? Everyone is assertive and smart and takes no shit from anybody. So where am I supposed to care about anything?

7. References. Little boys and girls will watch Juno for years to sift through every reference so they can be told for the rest of their lives what is cool. Juno is a list of things that are cool to which Busey-Hunt honors by trivializing them. Former blogger Brooke has to know how cool this stuff is if she wrote it into a movie.

I mean, we meta-reference when we reference Juno. How likely is it that people walking out of the theatre said "Man, J.K. Simmons was great as her dad." If I had money I'd bet people walked out saying "Man, that asshole from Spiderman was great as her dad." Or "I knew that the guy from Arrested Development was going to leave the chick from Alias."

Basically Juno is a clusterfuck of pop culture, but it has heart. At least that's what the MARKETING CAMPAIGN keeps telling me.

I can't wait for the academy to put on it's heart-shaped glasses and step into the Junoverse.com and with a straight face hand the highest honor in film to a literal laundry list of things that were cool before Brooke retyped it onto the page.

So I didn't like this movie.